Receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation
The Sacrament of Reconciliation, also known as Confession, is a beautiful encounter with God’s mercy that restores our relationship with Him and with the Church.
At Our Lady of Good Hope, Sea Point, regular confessions are on Saturdays from 16:45 to 17:15, before the 17:30 evening Mass.
Whether you come regularly or are preparing for your first confession, this simple guide from Father Zane will help you:
understand the sacrament,
prepare well through prayer and reflection,
examine your conscience with helpful questions, and
pray the traditional prayers with confidence.
Let’s enter into it.
Reflection on Receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation
It is not easy to go to confession; let’s face it. There is shame, embarrassment, and fear. Even so, these feelings can be helpful because they are at the root of real contrition, really feeling sorry for our sins, knowing the mess that we have got ourselves into.
God already knows everything about us, knows all our faults, weaknesses, and sins. Isn’t it also true that we don’t really know ourselves, we especially don’t know all our weaknesses and sins? Perhaps we try to not to know our sins, because perhaps seeing ourselves as we truly are, is too terrifying to consider. The point is that it is necessary to face ourselves, to know where our failings and sins lie, if we are ever going to make progress in the spiritual life. How can we let the Lord in to forgive us if we don’t admit that we need mercy?
It is true that to see ourselves as we truly are, warts and all, can be terrifying and overwhelming. The only thing that makes this possible is the compassionate and merciful gaze of God. It is precisely because of the merciful love of God that we can dare ourselves to go to the places of our shame, our ugliness and woundedness. When we do that in the presence of God, we allow God in, we invite him in, we beg his healing and forgiveness.
We are all in the same boat. No one here has cause to be proud or to boast of our righteousness. When we pray the Confiteor, the “I confess” as part of the Penitential Rite at the beginning of each Mass, we confess to God, and to each other, our brothers, and sisters, that we have sinned grievously, through our own fault. We are not pretending to ourselves or to each other that we have sinned. We say it because we have sinned. All of us have sinned.
Thank God, that that is not where it ends. That is not the end of the story. We don’t wallow in self-pity or despair. The Gospel is a Gospel of mercy. For those who know their need for mercy and humbly ask forgiveness there is the loving gaze of God, which heals and forgives, which gives grace and strengthens, which gives a new beginning and fills us with hope.
The spiritual life is essentially about saying yes to God. And yet, so often we have only said a half-hearted yes to God, or perhaps we have said a yes, but with conditions. So often we still want things our way and we want to do what we want and when we want.
Try not to come to the confessional and say, “Father, I can’t remember any sins I have committed” or “Father, I am doing my best and things are going pretty well; there are no real sins to confess”. Consider those areas of your life which are still firmly in the territory of your will and not God’s will. In which areas of life to you consistently say no to God and yes to yourself? What specific ways have you gone your own way instead of God’s way?
For a grace-filled, healing encounter, just say your own sins simply and directly. Don’t add “but” and then excuse yourself by blaming others or your circumstances. Just come before the Lord, knowing that you are a sinner and allow him to look with mercy upon you. Allow yourself to feel, ask the Holy Spirit to help you to feel, sorrow in your heart, and invite the Lord in to bring forgiveness and healing.
For many of you, this may be the first time in a long time that you are coming for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Thank God for your courage and the work of the Holy Spirit in bringing you here. Don’t worry if you can’t remember all the right words and prayers. Just ask the priest for help. Priests go to school for this, to help with this. Just say, “Father, please help me with the prayers; I am worried I will forget them.” Rather than being anxious about all the prayers, come with a heart that longs to experience God’s mercy. Finally, and so importantly, leave your sins there. Unburden yourselves and experience the joy of the Gospel. Start again in the grace and help of the Holy Spirit.
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Examination of Conscience and Prayer to help prepare for the Sacrament of Reconciliation
Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you” (John 13:34) St Paul describes this love in his First Letter to the Corinthians: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4- 8) Is this how you love God and others?
As we seek to be reconciled to God and one another, let us call to mind those times when we have failed to love.
Do I truly believe in God and trust in his providence? Have I dabbled in superstition, the occult, horoscopes, or New Age practices? Have I placed money, success, comfort, or another person in the place that belongs to God alone?
Have I used God's name, or the name of Jesus or Mary, carelessly or as a curse? Have I made promises or oaths in God's name that I have not kept?
Do I have a genuine love for my neighbours? Or do I use them for my own ends? Have I failed to love by failing to be honest and trustworthy? Do I engage in gossip, revealing the hidden faults of others, or making false statements about others? Have I damaged someone's reputation by what I have said or shared — including on social media?
Do I contribute to the well-being and happiness of my family and society by my patience and genuine love? Do I show respect for others by listening and by accepting them as they are? Or am I quick to judge? Do I make hurtful or demeaning remarks? Do I ridicule, belittle, or dismiss others — including members of my own family? Do I withhold affection, affirmation, or attention from those who need it? Do I honour my parents and those in authority over me? Do I fulfil my responsibilities as a spouse, parent, or child? Do I neglect those in my care?
Do I share my possessions with the less fortunate? Do I do my best to help the victims of oppression, misfortune, and poverty? Or do I look down on my neighbour, especially the poor, the sick, the elderly, strangers, and people of other races? Have I been greedy or wasteful? Have I stolen, or kept what belongs to others, or failed to make restitution for what I have taken or damaged?
Does my life reflect the mission I received at Baptism? Do I share in the apostolic and charitable works of the Church? Do I give of my time and talent for the building of the Kingdom? Or am I too busy to offer time in prayer and service of others? Have I deliberately missed Mass on Sundays or Holy Days of Obligation without a serious reason? Do I treat Sunday as a day set apart for God, rest, and family — or as just another day?
Am I pure of heart? Do I love purely? Or have I sought to satisfy my lust and selfishness in my sexuality? Have I been faithful to my marriage vows in act and in thought? Have I used pornography? Have I engaged in sexual activity outside of marriage? Have I entertained lustful thoughts or deliberately sought occasions of temptation? Have I been modest in my dress, speech, and behaviour, and in what I choose to watch or read?
Am I honest and just at work or school? Do I exercise authority with compassion? Do I promote justice, morality, and harmony in my place of work? Am I genuinely concerned with the common good and the dignity of every person in my community? Or am I only concerned about my well- being and those closest to me?
Am I estranged from others through unresolved quarrels, insults, lies, or uncontrolled anger? Do I allow conflicts to fester rather than seeking reconciliation? Have I been verbally or emotionally abusive toward anyone?
Have I failed to forgive? Do I harbour hatred and the desire for revenge? Have I been willing to ask forgiveness? Have I been willing to offer forgiveness? Is there anyone I have hurt — and have I made a genuine effort to repair that harm, apologise, or make amends?
Have I lied? Have I deceived others for my own benefit? Have I broken confidences or betrayed trust?
Have I abused alcohol or drugs? Have I harmed my own body or health through reckless behaviour? Have I been responsible in caring for the body God has given me?
Prayer for Preparing to Receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation
Lord, I so wish to prepare well for this time with you. I so want to make all of me ready and attentive and available to you. Help me clarify and purify my intentions. I have so many contradictory desires, thoughts, and emotions. When I act on these, I so easily turn away from you and from what is good. These behaviours make me sad and despondent. My days seem so full of busyness and the pursuit of things that do not truly matter or last. Lord, I ask you to give me a new heart so that all that I am, all I do, all my encounters, reflections, even the frustrations and failings may make me come closer to you. Lord, my life is in your hands. Amen!
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Entering into the Sacrament with the Priest
When you come to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, you are not coming to an interview or an exam, but to a meeting with Jesus, who welcomes you with mercy through the ministry of the priest. You may kneel behind the screen or sit face-to-face; choose whichever helps you pray and feel at peace.
When you enter, begin by making the Sign of the Cross with the priest, and say something like, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been [however long] since my last confession.” The priest may read a short passage from Scripture or say a few words, and then invite you to confess your sins in your own words, starting with the more serious ones and speaking simply, honestly, and without excuses.
After you have finished, you can say, “I am sorry for these and all my sins,” and the priest may offer some gentle guidance, encouragement, or clarifying questions to help you. He will then give you a small penance – usually a short prayer or a simple act of charity – and invite you to make an Act of Contrition.
There are many different forms of this prayer, but here is one one you can memorise.
“My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for us. In his name, my God, have mercy.”
Or a shorter version: “My God, I am truly sorry for my sins because I love you, and I will try, with your help, not to sin again.”
If you do not remember the Act of Contrition, you can say so very simply: “Father, I don’t remember the Act of Contrition, please help me,” and he will either lead you through it or offer a short version for you to repeat. Then, while you pray from your heart, the priest will extend his hand and pray the prayer of Absolution, through which Christ forgives your sins and fills you with his peace.
At the end, the priest will usually say something like, “Your sins are forgiven. Go in peace,” and you can respond, “Thanks be to God,” or “Thank you, Father,” and leave the confessional to complete your penance in the church. On an ordinary day, an individual confession usually takes about five minutes, and sometimes a little longer if you have been away for many years or would like some extra guidance.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS CONCERNING THE SACRAMENT OF RECONCILIATION
What is the proper name for this sacrament? Don’t we more commonly call it Confession?
It is true that these days the most used term for this Sacrament is ‘Confession’ and it is also called Penance. The most comprehensive name that best describes the overall experience of this Sacrament is Reconciliation. It is the Sacrament in which we confess our sins, receive the forgiveness of God, and we are reconciled to God and the Church.
Why do we need the Sacrament of Reconciliation?
The weaknesses of our human nature and our inclination to sin do not disappear with Baptism. The Lord, knowing our human condition and how easily we fall into sin, gives us this “remedy” to heal us and restore us to his friendship. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is for the forgiveness of sins committed after Baptism.
Why do we need this Sacrament; can’t we just confess our sins privately to God in our own prayer?
Of course, we can and must confess our sins to God in our own prayer, and publicly during the Mass, but this Sacrament of Reconciliation is a guaranteed encounter with the mercy of God, in which we receive healing, forgiveness and grace from God, as well as counsel and encouragement through the person of the priest.
The equivalent of not receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation, would be coming to Mass week after week and never receiving Holy Communion, because after all, we can and must make a spiritual communion, inviting the Lord into our hearts. As much as there is a guarantee, something ‘concrete’ and ‘tangible’ in receiving Holy Communion, the same goes for the forgiveness and grace we receive in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
It is so difficult to be completely honest with ourselves and also so difficult for us to completely accept God’s mercy without doubting. We have a definite concrete moment in the confessional that cannot be doubted. Why would we forgo, or choose not to receive this grace?
What is the Church’s teaching and rule about the Sacrament of Reconciliation?
The Church’s rule is that all serious sins, and especially mortal sins, not yet confessed, which a careful examination of conscience brings to mind, must be confessed in this Sacrament at least once a year and always before receiving Holy Communion.
What is mortal sin? Should venial sins also be confessed?
Mortal sins are serious sins which are knowingly and freely chosen, and which separate us from God. Mortal sin is called mortal because it is the spiritual death of the soul. Catholics are not allowed to receive Communion if they have unconfessed mortal sins. Venial sins are lesser sins that do not break our friendship with God, although they injure it. They involve disobedience of the law of God in less serious matters.
Mortal sins must be confessed in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Confessing venial sins is also strongly recommended by the Church because we receive sacramental grace to fight against our weaknesses and tendencies to sin, and we receive healing from Jesus and make progress in the life of the Spirit.
How do we know the difference between mortal and venial sins?
There are very specific conditions that constitute mortal sin: serious matter which is knowingly and freely chosen. But sin is sin! All sin offends God and robs us of the happiness and joy that God intends for us as we live out our meaning and purpose of being in a personal relationship with him. If in doubt, ask the priest in the confessional.
Is missing Mass on Sundays a serious sin?
Yes, Catholics are what Catholics do. The very minimum the Church requires of us as Catholics is that we attend and participate at Mass on Sundays. If through negligence, laziness, improper use of time, or bad choices we miss Mass on Sundays, we should not receive Holy Communion until we have received the Sacrament of Reconciliation. There are valid reasons for missing Sunday Mass such as illness or caring for an ill person, or lack of transport or geographical location, etc., and if any of these are the case, no sin is involved.
Practical things about experiencing God’s merciful love in the Confessional:
• Prepare beforehand, ask the help of the Holy Spirit to show you where you need God’s forgiveness and healing. Use a simple Examination of Conscience to reflect on areas of your life where there is sin which needs to be confessed.
• God looks on us with great kindness and compassion when we come to him asking for mercy. He waits to embrace us and heal us. He wants to show us his love. The priest is meant to help the penitent to experience this.
• Priests are sinners too and need to go to confession. Priests must be compassionate ministers of God’s mercy. They can do this because they know their own need for mercy.
• For a good experience of the Sacrament, we need to face the challenge of actually saying it: every sin has a name. The honesty and courage in naming, actually saying, our sins, allows God to enter in with grace and healing. Try not to let embarrassment or shame block the work of grace.
• Remember: Sin is unimpressive. Priests don’t bother to, and are uninterested in, remembering sins. What is inspiring and impressive is witnessing the work of grace and the courage of those who trust in God in the confessional. It is enough to inspire the priest himself to go to Confession to also experience God’s mercy.
• The Seal of Confession means the total and complete confidentiality of the Sacrament. Priests may never divulge anything or act on any information heard in the confessional.
• Priests can also be a bit nervous in the confessional – they want to get it right. In such a short time to convey the loving mercy of God; to make it a healing and joyful encounter. Priests pray for you during Confession, and they pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
• Don’t worry about knowing all the words and prayers. In fact, rather just come with a heart that wants to say sorry to God; ask the priest to guide and help you (priests are trained specifically for this).
• Experience joy: allow yourself to be loved by God; leave the burden of past sin at the foot of the cross. No guilt; only a rich experience of God’s mercy and wisdom for the future. Any further shame or guilt is not from God and must be rejected. Go and celebrate. Be filled with gratitude to God. Love the God who has loved you.
Simple format and prayers for use in the Sacrament of Reconciliation
1. Preparation
Before entering the confessional, pray an Act of Contrition and examine your conscience, reflecting on sins committed since your last confession.
2. Welcome and Sign of the Cross
The priest greets you. You make the Sign of the Cross together:
Penitent: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
The priest may say a brief Scripture passage or encourage you to trust in God's mercy.
3. Confession of Sins
State how long it has been since your last confession, then confess your sins: Penitent: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been (e.g., one month) since my last confession. These are my sins...
Confess sins by kind and number. When finished:
Penitent: For these and all my sins, I am truly sorry. 4. Penance
The priest offers counsel and assigns a penance (prayers or an act to perform).
5. Act of Contrition
The priest asks you to express sorrow. You pray the Act of Contrition:
Penitent: O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended You, and I detest all my sins because of Your just punishments, but most of all because they offend You, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.
(A simpler form may also be used: "Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.")
6. Absolution
The priest extends his hand over you and pronounces the words of absolution:
Priest: God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Penitent: Amen.
7. Dismissal
The priest dismisses you with a proclamation of God's forgiveness:
Priest: The Lord has freed you from your sins. Go in peace. Penitent: Thanks be to God.
8. After Confession
Complete your assigned penance as soon as possible, and offer a prayer of thanksgiving for God's mercy.
